It’s a common challenge in long-term relationships — all of a sudden ‘life’ seems to get in the way of mind-blowing sex and we are caught in something I like to call a ‘sex rut’.

Ewwwwww… a sex rut, sounds shocking, doesn’t it?

The fact is, many couples reading this are nodding their heads and agreeing that their sex life has turned to crap.

So, how do we navigate our way out of this all-too-common relationship challenge?


Below are three simple and effective ways that can help you today:


Re-define the purpose of your relationship

A fast-track way to bringing sex and intimacy back into your relationship is to re-define the purpose of it. In the beginning you were lovers, first and foremost.

Then life got in the way; career, pregnancy, children, death of a family member, financial stress etc.

The joy of a relationship is that we have someone to share all these things with…but the dangerous part of this is that we share absolutely everything and our sex life gets put on the back-burner.

Sit down together today and re-define the purpose of your relationship.

Once you’ve re-defined the purpose, make a commitment to prioritise that over everything else in life.


Work on your own shit

By shit, I mean baggage and emotional ‘stuff’ you bring into the relationship. We all have emotional stuff that we hold onto and if we don’t deal with it it gets pushed down and makes us sick (physically and emotionally).

Dealing with our shit in therapy takes courage, and courageous people often have the healthiest and most powerful relationships.

So, next time you blame your partner for your bad mood, call your therapist and make a commitment to working out what it is that bothers you.

If you do this, I promise your sex life will improve because you’ll feel ‘lighter’ emotionally and be ready to get intimate again with your beloved.


Eat well, exercise often and sleep well

Sounds basic, right?

Fact is most people at some stage get lazy when it comes to food and exercise…and then all-of-a-sudden they wake up feeling sluggish and bloated and blah.

It’s time to get back on the band-wagon with your health.

Once your health is in line, your sex drive will be too.

I also recommend adding in some superfoods to help with your libido; maca root, bee pollen and dark chocolate are a good place to start.


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Words by

Juliet Allen is a Sexologist, Sexuality Coach + Educator and Writer. With a reputation for her bold and straight-to-the-point manner, Juliet runs educative workshops and events in Australia for young people and adults. Juliet is passionate about empowering women to embrace their true sexual nature and encourages everyone to explore and own their sexuality. Her popular weekly sexology column features in the Gold Coast Bulletin and her writing has featured regularly in Elephant Journal, GQ, Cleo Magazine, We-Vibe and her own blog, Let’s Talk About Sex.